This is my journey from S.N to R.N

I was out of school not even 5 days when we got the email for N-3000 requirements. It was to the tune of “Enjoy your break…but don’t forget that the first day of class is a lab so come in proper clinical/lab attire. Oh, and we need your immunization records and CPR cards. Oh, and we need verification that all your online training in modules A-Q are done by the first day of class. Oh, and tuition is due by the first day so you can go to orientation. Oh, and your new syllabus and schedules are up. OH! Enjoy your break!”

And then of course, working 3 in a row is always a picnic. I’ve got my 3rd day tomorrow which will undoubtedly mean I’ll be grumpy.

And Ishaq/I just picked/ended a stupid/superstupid argument/misunderstanding –> a further worsened mood.

Good one, world. You win this round.
Let’s be friends tomorrow? “Pretty, please?”

Dash made my night so much better. By like ten.trillion times. Best friends are…well, the best! And for that I’m grateful.

Love,
Laney

[photo cred here]

What’s not cheap? Being an “adult”. Being in nursing school. Owning a home. Having a family. Not having a trust fund back east.
Being an adult in nursing school with a home and a family and no trust fund back east really takes the cake though. (Although medical bills, emergencies, car troubles, etc etc would make the list as well).

Tain’t cheap and I am sure feeling it.
Let me warn you now that this post is not all butterflies and sunshine. It’s one of those self-reflections and observation kind-of post where I talk myself into some sort of sense.
I digress.

The last couple of months since second semester began has been kind of rough. Ishaq and I got back early from our honeymoon hoping to save money. The wedding was great (and done for under $2000 total).
School started, surprise bills came up.
We’re still trying to pay off Ishaq’s loan from our 4-year college where we left after a semester so that he can start up at my nursing school. They won’t let him in without a transcript though. And we can’t get a transcript until the loan is paid off. We can’t get the loan paid off because the financial aid was supposed to pay it in the first place. They decided not to pay it since Ishaq’s father put false numbers on the application and they got audited and dropped. After it got dropped, through no fault of our own, we got stuck with the semester’s payment. Snowball effect, much?
Anyways, last week, Ishaq’s car got broken into and one of my old debit cards stolen along with his stereo (which didn’t have the face on it mind you, meaning they stole it and can’t use it). We had 9 dollars to get us through the rest of the week. Our bank balance went negative due to an unprocessed check from a month before. We have zero in savings thanks to the wedding and school. This happened 3 days after I decided to take a day off of work each week and switch from 36 hours to 24 hours a week in the hopes that my grades would be better in school. I drove to school with my low fuel light coming on halfway there. I tried to stop at the gas station on my way home and found out my credit card was maxed out. So I drove all the way home in the 90 degree heat while speeding and praying I would not get pulled over and that I would make it home without my car dying. Luckily, Miguel (my red car) got me home safe and sound.
Ishaq was a champ and tore our house apart finding 6 bucks in dollars and 4 in change so that we could both get to work and school the next day.
Luckily we got a paid a couple of days later.

But it’s after weeks like that, that I sit back and wonder if I’m going to make it through the next year and a half. I constantly feel this fear that I’m going to fail academically or financially. If I fail academically, I have to start the whole program over since they started a new curriculum. It wouldn’t be repeating one semester, it would be a year’s tuition down the drain. And we can’t afford to repeat. Plus, Ishaq can’t go to school until I’m done. And he’s been ever-so-patient. If I fail financially, I lose everything. CONUNDRUM.

We have a plan for success. I graduate, he goes to school, I work to put him through, he graduates, works for a year, we move to Boston and then travel nurse. That’s the tentative plan.
I just want so much. I want to be stable. I want to be successful.

And I know we’ll get there. T.O from school always says that failure is not an option.
We WILL get there.

It’s just that the process tain’t cheap.

Ugh, sometimes it feels we can’t catch a break. As soon as we get ahead in one way, something else comes up. Typical.

But it doesn’t matter. I’m happy! I’ve got a wonderful husband and a job that pays the bills. That’s what matters, right?

I can’t believe that it’s already been a year since school started. I feel like I’ve learned so much…too much. I see changes in myself too. I had a conversation about it with my mom last night actually. I’m less timid and can speak in front of large groups of people without having increased respirations or a rapid pulse like before. I can hold my own in argument with more confidence when I know I’m right.
I’ve stopped caring about kids my age thinking I’m lame cause I’d rather stay in and watch a TV marathon or play Halo all night instead of going out to the club. And the drama at school? No, thank you. I’ve also gotten better at saying ‘no’. Not an easy thing to do usually. I don’t want to go out to a bar and drink and get hit on by guys (or girls) because my husband is at home and I miss him. I’d rather drink with a few close friends at home. My mom used to say I was 14 going on 40. Mreh, that’s how I like it. I don’t like ginormous parties where you don’t know anyone and its awkward introductions. I like my couch. Or my bed. Scratch that. I like my couch, I LOVE my bed. It’s uber-comfy.
Oh, and my spare time. I’ve learned how to cherish it.
No, I don’t want to go to the mall and spend money I don’t have on my day off. I want to stay in and sleep and eat lots of food that requires the belt to be taken off. I even want to read a little bit so that I don’t fall behind. If nothing else, I can think of one thing that everyone in my class agrees on:
Friends and family who have never been nor plan on going, truly do not understand how hellacious nursing school is.
You can tell stories about what you learned and the dreaded phrase “skills check-off”, but it doesn’t hold the same weight as when you talk to another nurse/student.
I told my nurse manager the other day that I needed to come off of my hours b/c I had just attended clinical orientation. She stopped me mid-sentence and said “I understand, nursing school still gives me nightmares 20 years later”. You see?!!?!?

I love you nursing school, but I hate you. Longest year and a half to go ever.

PS- I realize this post is a rambling mess. Kinda like me. Blargh.

I’m sorry I hadn’t updated yet…it’s been a busy last few days. I guess all my days are busy though since I always say that? Oh well.

So, I passed my first nursing exam. Hoo-rah!! With a solid 87%
I mean, it’s not an A, but it’s certainly more than barely scraping by!! Now I know what to expect and hopefully I’ll do better on the next one. We’ll see. I’ve got Skills Lab on Monday and Tuesday and another test on Wednesday.
Time is really going fast. I’ve already been in school a month. Crazy, no? I feel like I’ve hardly been there a week.

Baba’s feeling better, so that’s good.

The apartment is finally empty. That’s weird. Well, more good than weird.

Hmm, studying a lot. Spending time with Isaac, that pretty much is taking up most of my time right now. And trying to finish catching up on 24 and we finally got caught up on Lost. Both of them are proving to have amazing seasons right now, I’m not gonna lie.

The Fray has been running through my head as of late.

Some things haven’t been the same. That bothers me. I miss them. Part of me feel like that’s changed in a way. Which really blows. Like a lot, a lot.

Isaac’s been my rock. I would really be suffering from malnutrition if it weren’t for him. Ah well.
Hopefully we get that letter in the mail soon about his test.

Ohh I also need to get my W-2 from the hospital so that I can do my taxes so that I can do my FAFSA.

And I’m rambling….

“I found God, on the corner of First and Amistad, where the West, was all but won….where were you when everything was falling apart?…just a little late…