This is my journey from S.N to R.N

…I want to help people.

One thing I don’t think I’ve really talked about is my decision to become a nurse. I was thinking about it today from a recent conversation.

So, when I was little…as in 4 or 5, I wanted to be a doctor and open up my own E.R so I could save people- I guess I’ve always been a trauma junkie. Then I wanted to save hearts so that I could make my great-grandma better. That’s pretty much what I wanted to do up until sophomore year in high school when I took a journalism class. I loved it.

I thought, how cool. I could make an underground newspaper and tell the world about the REAL news going on out there. Not just the censored stuff that is on T.V. nowadays. If you’ve ever seen Vice Journalism (vbs.com) that’s what I wanted to do. Then I moved to NC and took Mass Comm and thought, yeah I could do film and tie that in with the journalism and bring about awareness- blah, blah, blah. I even went to University for a semester to pursue this.

It was fine and all, but then I started thinking “Man, this isn’t really what I was looking for. And film? My God, I really do want to stay hungry forever.” Only joking…kinda.

Meanwhile, back home my mom was in the middle of nursing school. She was actually at the halfway point exactly. She was talking about what she was doing and what she was learning and that stirred up all my old dreams. One thing I had noticed from volunteering at the hospital in high school was that the nurses were at the bedside way more than the doctors. They got to build up that rapport that I was looking for. And advocating is something I craved. Doctors (not all!) tended to treat the disease and the nurses tended to treat the person. That’s just how I felt.

I moved back home with my then-boyfriend-future-husband, applied to nursing school, and thankfully got in.

That’s pretty much it!  How did you get to where you decided to become a nurse? Or doctor or psychologist or teacher or [insert profession here]? I just think it’s really fascinating the life experiences that lead a person to pick a career that may identify them for the rest of their life. I mean, isn’t that crazy?! Granted, some people just pick jobs for the money, but that’s not really the same thing. Or some people always knew what they wanted to, but thanks to life, didn’t get a chance until later (like my mom).

Love,

Laney

Today is MLK day.

At our student-body meeting, one of the instructors said for us to do one act of service on this day. I’m going to go donate blood. It’s been something I have been meaning to do and simply haven’t made the time for. And since I’m O-positive, I really should be doing that with more regularity.

I’ve also been looking into volunteer programs either abroad or in the U.S. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. I’m trying to set up a program through my school where we can go abroad as a group since I know there are others who are interested in that as well.

Volunteering is so important and I think it’s coming back into the forefront with everything that’s been going on in Haiti. Hmm.

Anyone doing anything special today??

Love,
Laney

[photo cred here.]

Today I spent the majority of the day at my in-laws house which was nice. My brother-in-law, the one after Ishaq and 3rd out of the 5, just turned eighteen!

When I was at home, I messed around on the computer and finally got around to uploading all my pictures from the last several months. Literally, from September until now. Ridiculous!

Anyways, there’s one of the pictures up above. I’m going to try to get back into posting a picture a day and/or with each blog.
I like the visual that goes with it.

I’ve played a ridiculous amount of Tekken 6 the last few days. I beat the whole scenario campaign.

NEED to clean my house.

Seriously. I’ll get around to it. Promise?

Love,
Laney

What’s not cheap? Being an “adult”. Being in nursing school. Owning a home. Having a family. Not having a trust fund back east.
Being an adult in nursing school with a home and a family and no trust fund back east really takes the cake though. (Although medical bills, emergencies, car troubles, etc etc would make the list as well).

Tain’t cheap and I am sure feeling it.
Let me warn you now that this post is not all butterflies and sunshine. It’s one of those self-reflections and observation kind-of post where I talk myself into some sort of sense.
I digress.

The last couple of months since second semester began has been kind of rough. Ishaq and I got back early from our honeymoon hoping to save money. The wedding was great (and done for under $2000 total).
School started, surprise bills came up.
We’re still trying to pay off Ishaq’s loan from our 4-year college where we left after a semester so that he can start up at my nursing school. They won’t let him in without a transcript though. And we can’t get a transcript until the loan is paid off. We can’t get the loan paid off because the financial aid was supposed to pay it in the first place. They decided not to pay it since Ishaq’s father put false numbers on the application and they got audited and dropped. After it got dropped, through no fault of our own, we got stuck with the semester’s payment. Snowball effect, much?
Anyways, last week, Ishaq’s car got broken into and one of my old debit cards stolen along with his stereo (which didn’t have the face on it mind you, meaning they stole it and can’t use it). We had 9 dollars to get us through the rest of the week. Our bank balance went negative due to an unprocessed check from a month before. We have zero in savings thanks to the wedding and school. This happened 3 days after I decided to take a day off of work each week and switch from 36 hours to 24 hours a week in the hopes that my grades would be better in school. I drove to school with my low fuel light coming on halfway there. I tried to stop at the gas station on my way home and found out my credit card was maxed out. So I drove all the way home in the 90 degree heat while speeding and praying I would not get pulled over and that I would make it home without my car dying. Luckily, Miguel (my red car) got me home safe and sound.
Ishaq was a champ and tore our house apart finding 6 bucks in dollars and 4 in change so that we could both get to work and school the next day.
Luckily we got a paid a couple of days later.

But it’s after weeks like that, that I sit back and wonder if I’m going to make it through the next year and a half. I constantly feel this fear that I’m going to fail academically or financially. If I fail academically, I have to start the whole program over since they started a new curriculum. It wouldn’t be repeating one semester, it would be a year’s tuition down the drain. And we can’t afford to repeat. Plus, Ishaq can’t go to school until I’m done. And he’s been ever-so-patient. If I fail financially, I lose everything. CONUNDRUM.

We have a plan for success. I graduate, he goes to school, I work to put him through, he graduates, works for a year, we move to Boston and then travel nurse. That’s the tentative plan.
I just want so much. I want to be stable. I want to be successful.

And I know we’ll get there. T.O from school always says that failure is not an option.
We WILL get there.

It’s just that the process tain’t cheap.

Ugh, sometimes it feels we can’t catch a break. As soon as we get ahead in one way, something else comes up. Typical.

But it doesn’t matter. I’m happy! I’ve got a wonderful husband and a job that pays the bills. That’s what matters, right?

I can’t believe that it’s already been a year since school started. I feel like I’ve learned so much…too much. I see changes in myself too. I had a conversation about it with my mom last night actually. I’m less timid and can speak in front of large groups of people without having increased respirations or a rapid pulse like before. I can hold my own in argument with more confidence when I know I’m right.
I’ve stopped caring about kids my age thinking I’m lame cause I’d rather stay in and watch a TV marathon or play Halo all night instead of going out to the club. And the drama at school? No, thank you. I’ve also gotten better at saying ‘no’. Not an easy thing to do usually. I don’t want to go out to a bar and drink and get hit on by guys (or girls) because my husband is at home and I miss him. I’d rather drink with a few close friends at home. My mom used to say I was 14 going on 40. Mreh, that’s how I like it. I don’t like ginormous parties where you don’t know anyone and its awkward introductions. I like my couch. Or my bed. Scratch that. I like my couch, I LOVE my bed. It’s uber-comfy.
Oh, and my spare time. I’ve learned how to cherish it.
No, I don’t want to go to the mall and spend money I don’t have on my day off. I want to stay in and sleep and eat lots of food that requires the belt to be taken off. I even want to read a little bit so that I don’t fall behind. If nothing else, I can think of one thing that everyone in my class agrees on:
Friends and family who have never been nor plan on going, truly do not understand how hellacious nursing school is.
You can tell stories about what you learned and the dreaded phrase “skills check-off”, but it doesn’t hold the same weight as when you talk to another nurse/student.
I told my nurse manager the other day that I needed to come off of my hours b/c I had just attended clinical orientation. She stopped me mid-sentence and said “I understand, nursing school still gives me nightmares 20 years later”. You see?!!?!?

I love you nursing school, but I hate you. Longest year and a half to go ever.

PS- I realize this post is a rambling mess. Kinda like me. Blargh.